Mummy friends: I’m hotter than you.

Mummy friends, you’ve been living in ignorance long enough. It’s time you should know: I’m hotter than you.

Yep, you’ve heard right. My mummy hotness out-ranks yours.

Think you’re a seven because you’ve got your waist back? Well, those south-facing dehydrated peaches and cottage cheese thighs say otherwise.

But before we settle this like real women – bikini-clad, jelly-covered, in a flurry of hair pulls and nipple cripples – hear me out.

I know this because it is being printed IN BIB FORM and sold by an internationally recognised baby retailer. And let’s face it, bibs never lie (much like T-shirts, politicians, religious leaders and the Syrian government).

"My mum is hotter than your mum" bib being sold by an internationally recognised baby retailer.

“My mum is hotter than your mum” bib being sold by an internationally recognised baby retailer.

It was featured in a catalogue as an (apparently) desirable product, free for us mums to pin around our child’s neck like some sort of victory flag.

So take that b****es, while you were reading to your children, puréeing foods from scratch and making toilet roll people I was getting hot. Excuse me while I sip some coconut water and enjoy my daily prancercise.

Just in case us mums didn’t have enough to worry about – loving, feeding, clothing, educating and raising our little people to  become happy, healthy, engaged members of society – some genius bib-maker decided we better comb our hair, shed a few kilos and slap on some lipstick during the process.

Hell we’re already guilting, criticising and publicly shaming each other (remember this? Or this?) about the decisions we make as mothers, why not add “not hot enough” to our list of alleged shortcomings – along with bottle-feeding, caesarean births, working and letting babies cry.

And then we can pin that message to our cute, little, live billboards, teaching them someone’s “hotness” is intrinsically linked to their worth as a human being.

Shame, shame, shame, bib-makers.

A Group of American mothers have launched a campaign of tolerance in a bid to end the so-called “Mommy Wars”. Learn more about their initiative here.

Would you put this bib on your child? What offensive slogan clothing have you seen children wear? 

Here’s some bib wins and fails:

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