The Overshare: My vagina is great – thanks for asking!


For something that has lips, vaginas don’t say an awful much. They’re sort of like camels (without the spitting – or the funky stench). Pink camels…who occasionally suffer from alopecia.

They don’t have a voice but, you know, they’re kinda important. And they generally matter to us lady-folk, yeah?

So why aren’t we talking about them more?

Not in the “Oh what crazy weather we’re having AND HOW IS YOUR VAGINA?” kinda way with the mums at soccer training. Or the “My God Britney Spears how hard is it to get of a car WITHOUT SHOWING YOUR VAGINA??” kinda way either.

Just in a casual way – over tea or maybe a wine – with our friends, our sisters, or mums.

Call it your hoo-ha, cha cha, vadge, punani, sausage warmer, moose knuckle, velvet glove – whatevs gets the conversation started! And rustle up some vag pride, for God’s sakes women!

As someone who hid her periods from everyone – most importantly, her mother – for what felt like an eternity (but was probably a few cycles), and who only learned how to manually stimulate herself as an adult (don’t worry, I was still very familiar with the Big O) – I probably could’ve benefited from a few candid vagina talks in my time.

So why not turn the tables and dish out some good ol’ vadgvice?

I did – when a friend inboxed me with a query about my post-birth vag recently. And boy was my vag super chuffed (that’s chuffed) to help!

She wanted to know about post-natural-birth appearance and size down below, and she wanted an honest and uninhibited answer. It was a conversation that really mattered to her, one that she couldn’t exactly have with the women around her.

And that really, really sucks!

So I told her about my experience – which is all I had to go on.*

As far as births go, mine were as awesome and uncomplicated as they come – quick and damage-free. I was damn bloody lucky.

(When it comes to birthing genes it seems my family hit the jackpot – my grandmother, mother, aunty, cousins and sister have all had uncomplicated natural births. Fair compensation for our crap non-boobs gene, I reckon.)

I told her that, while I felt slightly more spacious initially, mine tightened up an regained it’s former glory both times. It didn’t snap, crackle and pop back to perfection overnight, but it got there. (Just don’t go on the trampoline a few weeks post birth if you’re worried about your pelvic floor – no-one wants to bounce their bits out!)

Sex was still awesome – for both of us. No throwing a sausage down the hallway, people. Good, grindy, fits-like-a-glove sex.

And like I told my 75-year-old obstetrician at my six-week check-up: nothing caved-in or fell out, so I can’t complain!

So next time you want to talk vag ladies, grow some balls and speak proudly and openly. Shame and silence aren’t doing us any favours.

Vagina flower

*Post-natural-birth vaginas will obviously vary in shape, size and appearance. Some people may experience sex differently after birth. Allow several months for your muscles to recover (pelvic floor exercises will help with this). If you are concerned you are experiencing something abnormal, see your gynaecologist.

Are you embarrassed or ashamed of speaking about your vagina openly? Or were you raised in a vag-friendly environment? Did you notice a change in your vagina after giving birth? Want to dish out your own vadgvice (or share your story)?  Please join the conversation and comment below….

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A pocket guide to vaginal euphemisms:

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