The retraction: Only one bun now, but happy all the same.

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Sorry for the kerfuffle, people, but it seems my uterine capacity is strictly limited to one. So here’s the retraction I flagged earlier, now that gestational sacks B and C decided to pack up shop and call it a day.

It seems I’m only growing only one mini-human. One healthy, happily tucked-away, grape-sized human.

Once again I was blown away to see a tiny flicker of a heartbeat in the chest of such a delicate little being. And yet this time it was both beautiful and sad, because it was the only one on the sonographer’s screen.

We’d had three weeks of wondering if maybe, just maybe, all three would take and grow. We occasionally bent our minds to consider the logistics of the pre-school drop-off or dance concert with three little squirmers in tow. But they didn’t take, and so we ended with one. It was all we wanted in the first place, and yet it’s hard to shake the sense of loss.

You kind-of feel a bit ripped-off, like you were cheated out of a good discount by dodgy department store signage.

Of course there are plenty of positives, too: no hideous people-mover; no bar-fridge-sized uterus; positive boob-to-baby ratio (one spare!); I can say hello to family holidays again and goodbye to a planned caesarean. I haven’t had my career automatically flushed down the shitter in a hail of dirty newborn nappies.

And yet had we ended up with three, we would’ve happily changed, fed, swaddled and held them all with the same heart-bursting joy we have for our other two children.

Some people wonder why we bothered to tell everyone about the triplet pregnancy, knowing that it would likely fail. Why didn’t we just wait?

We wanted to share our shock, horror, fear, wonder and excitement with those around us, knowing we were on an amazing journey with an uncertain end. I didn’t want to have to hide my loss, or make excuses for feeling a bit flat. Sure the short-lived triplet pregnancy will eventually be a minor blip in life’s radar, but it’s one I have a right to acknowledge and share.

For now, we are grateful for one healthy bub and the chance to welcome it into our lives.

Thanks to all for the well-wishes, advice and support. I’m not-so-secretly spewing about the fact I can no-longer scam you into giving me free food.

 

 

 

 

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Comments

  1. Just read your previous post and was blown away. What a game changer. Now reading this I feel sad, but happy that one more lovely baby will be born. Big hugs to you.

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    • Thank you!
      It is so strange to be lucky enough to get what we wanted at the outset (one healthy bub) and yet feel a sense of loss at the same time. Losing all three would’ve been pretty rough so I’m glad we’ve been spared that!
      I could do with some advice, though: if i feel the need to drown my sorrows in food (in the absence of wine) do you recommend your berry and meringue ice cream or the choc mint squares? (Or you can say both, which is a totally acceptable to my pregnant ears)

      Like

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