How to get your newborn to sleep (tips from a mother of sleepers)

Sleeping babies, they’re like unicorns – elusive mythical creatures that are mentioned in parental folklore but rarely encountered. But unlike unicorns – or mermaid vaginas, or Kanye West’s sense of decency – they really do exist. I know because I scored three of them. This makes me a complete arsehole – yes – but also a well-rested arsehole. […]

‘Look mum, that dog has a REALLY big doodle!’… and 14 other moments being a parent kind-of sucks.

Being a parent really sucks sometimes. The kind-of suckiness that makes you want to cry uncontrollably over a stiff drink, at 8.15am, but you can’t because: kids. So we laugh. Maniacally. Bite our lip. Exhale loudly. And mutter non-swear words like “truckin’ bunt” under our breath. Because sometimes, when you’re the designated boss person/nurturer of […]

Motherhood: The milestone I wasn’t expecting…

“I don’t EVEN love you, Mummy!” I’ve been in the dog house with my three-year-old this week, you see. She shouted at me with clenched fists, mouth set in an indignant pout. We’d clearly had a falling out of Nicole Richie-Lindsay Lohan proportions, and apparently I was to blame. “You can’t EVEN do this! I […]

So I became the type of mum who talks about poo…

SHIT! Literally. Somehow, I became one of those mums who talks about it. Sure, we’ve all seen it, accidentally got it on our hands, wiped it off God knows how many surfaces… but talking about it? With other adults? Really? I can assure you I’m no stranger to parental insanity – mostly of the sleep-deprived, put-the-kettle-in-the-cupboard […]

Slay those dinner-time demons (with some of my favourite meals for little people)!

Have trouble feeding your little devil? Want some yummy, nutritious meal options for your bub? Here are some of my favourite recipes for little people! These can be puréed for bubs or served chunky for toddlers (add steamed veggies or dipping toast if your toddler likes to eat using their hands). They come from Annabel […]

When your mother-in-law wants to breastfeed your baby…

There are some moments in life you never forget – uni graduation, wedding day, the birth of your children, that moment your mother-in-law was holding your firstborn and boldly declared “I wish I could breastfeed her!”….wait, what? Yeah, that really happened. I was a new mum of barely a week when my mother-in-law decided she’d […]

The sexist return-to-work comment I wasn’t expecting…

Um, the 1950s called and they want their sexist bullshit attitudes back, people. I dunno whether we’re going to file this one under “collective brain snap” or “well-intentioned idiocy” but you’ve got to wonder just what exactly society has been up to for the past, you know, 60 years when such stereotypically gendered questions prevail. […]

So long stay-at-home suckers, cranky bitch mum is back at work!

I CAN’T WAIT to go back to work. This is not only a true statement of fact, but something I screeched at my children last week. Wait, wait, hold your applause and Mother of the Year nominations until you’ve heard the clincher: I really, really meant it. Somewhere in between my two-year-old flooding the kitchen […]

Naughty kids are always funnier when they’re not yours – PART TWO.

It’s no secret my first child was an easy baby. As far as snotty, milk-guzzling, sleep-killers go, she was a breeze for the first 18 months. Even after that, she has always been happy with her own company, easily entertained and a brilliant sleeper (12 hours at night, 3-4 during the day). When she disappears […]

I will buy my girls whatever the f*** I want and I won’t feel like an arsehole about it, alriiiight?

So, in the latest edition of How-You’re-Going-to-Fuck-Up-Your-Kids Weekly it seems gender-neutral toys are all the rage. Thanks to that momentarily awesome (now reviled)  GoldieBlox marketing video I’ve been reading article, after article, after article about gender-neutral toys. They’ve become a thing. Much like lotus births. Or premastication. Or paleo baby foods. And I get it, I honestly […]